High school graduates, as you probably know, adults have been lying to you. In fact, if you’ve been paying attention, starving raccoons are more trustworthy than adults.

But now that you are heading into the world, it’s time you hear the truth.

With a few exceptions, college is a terrible investment. Next to buying a house in 2008 and picking up a meth habit, it is about the most foolish thing you can do with your financial future.

If you cannot find your way into a trade program, an apprenticeship or the military, and must go to college, follow these two simple rules and you may avoid the heartache and crushing debt.

First, be born rich. Not smart, that only leads to problems. And best is if you are rich with money you didn’t earn. In this case, someone else will pay your skyrocketing tuition bill so when you graduate with your anthropology or — heaven forbid — journalism degree and cross your fingers for a job flipping hamburgers, you will be able to spend your paycheck on $300 e-book gadgets to replace $5 paperbacks rather than fending off collection agents.

If you must go to college, and you can’t get somebody else to pay for it, be sure to major in accounting or engineering or another horribly boring discipline. These are the only fields where taking out student debt is a wise investment. Most people, however, would rather set themselves on fire. Lucky you, a childhood of television and video games has robbed you of your humanity.

If this upsets you, if you find yourself frustrated by the greed and lies of the older generations who sold you out for a tank of gas and a flat screen TV, just remember, those same adults who think you need to go to college paid a third of the tuition you will pay, adjusted for inflation. Adults are not just liars, they are also self-serving hypocrites.

On the bright side, with a college education you will be able to come up with several synonyms for “swindled.”

Yes, that is the bright side.