Most of us have done some pretty odd things in our lifetime — no, wait, stupid things, having put myself in that situation so many times it really can’t be counted.

Some years ago, when this newfangled thing they called a cellphone came out, I said I would never use such a gizmo. We had all done just fine with a plain landline phone — that is, until Don was scheduled for his last open-heart surgery almost eight years ago.

Jon, our son-in-law, made a statement, “You are getting a cellphone on my family plan.” When Jon gives that “So be it” look, that’s it. It turned out to be one of the best things we ever did … only, to be honest, it has also caused some embarrassing moments.

One of the earlier stunts I still seem to do is forget and leave Pesky (name for my cell) in my purse on returning home after shopping. Five-year-old great-grand daughter Sally will often yell, “Gramma, your purse is ringing,” or, “somebody wants you in your purse.”

Then there was the time after the church rummage sale and the crowd had dispersed. We ladies were packing up and I couldn’t find the thing. It must have slipped out of my pocket into one of the many boxes (this thing has a mind of its own, I swear). I was praying it hadn’t hitched a ride in someone else’s loot.

Pat and Maggie, my partners, suggested I go and call my cell on the kitchen phone. Oh, what a great idea. They would be able hear it and trace the ring — if I could remember my cell number. I just couldn’t come up with it. It took about 20 minutes of trying to get ahold of daughter Donna to get my cell number. I finally reached her and, still laughing, she called and Pesky sang loud and clear. It had fallen into a box of linens.

This little trick has saved me more than once when I misplaced it at home too. Well, at least I didn’t drop it in the commode, like someone else I know.

Another of these idiotic incidents left me redfaced. I was standing with several pastors at a Ministerial Association luncheon the Sunshine ladies were hosting some years back, talking about things in general. Suddenly, Pesky started whining in a very low tone and I couldn’t get to it.

Embarrassed, I tried to pretend I didn’t hear the music, or it was someone else’s cell. I kept talking. Finally, one of the pastors leaned over and said, “Jacque, do you know your chest is singing!” They must have concluded it was time for hearing aids.

I felt like a nut because it was in my bra waiting for a call I did not want to miss, and I forgot to turn the sound to vibrating. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to reach down my neck for it in front of those two. They stood, grinning at me, and I — never being at a loss for words — popped out with, “Yes, I have been waiting for God to call. He just signaled your lunch burned while I stood here talking to you two guys,” and walked in the kitchen with red cheeks, hearing laughter behind me (I gotta tell you, they love me).

Today, Don is after me to get rid of old Pesky and buy a new cell with a fancy camera. Can you imagine the trouble I could get into with something like that?

Thanks to all the wonderful folks who donated items to Redeemer UM Church Sunshine Ladies Bazaar. And thanks to all the great volunteers who help to make it an annual success every year. Four hundred dollars of the raised money has been used provide for for the Kingston Food Bank. Please remember, it will still need more help in the coming days.

— Jacque Thornton is a longtime columnist for the Kingston Community News. Contact her at jacquejt@centurytel.net.