Republished courtesy of WestSound Home & Garden
Welcome to my garden. Open the gate and step in, but mind the brambles and thorns.
Careful not to crush the bleeding heart. Don’t bump the spiny eccentricity of the Solanum pyracanthum unless you like a good blood-letting. And watch the vines; they sneak up on you in this murky light. I suppose I should exert a bit of control over these beautiful savages, but they seem to have a mind of their own. The beds run amok and good help is hard to find.
You’re a gardener, aren’t you? It’s so nice to entertain someone who appreciates things that bloom and grow. Of course, death and decay are equally important in a garden, don’t you agree? Consider these white calla lilies (so lovely atop a casket); how could we admire their pale perfection if not for their fleeting existence? In the garden, beauty requires sacrifice. Would the weeping willow be as lovely if its leaves did not fall like tears each autumn to bare its naked soul to the icy heart of winter?
Here now, have a cup of tea. I brewed it from my own herbs. As you sip we will go in search of my Dracunculus vulgaris; you may know it as voodoo lily. No, that’s not a corpse you smell — at least, I think not. The voodoo lily’s lascivious, liver-purple spathe and spadix attract pollinating flies with the perfume of death. Don’t let its malodorous esters interfere with your enjoyment of the tea.
I don’t have many visitors, you know. Ridiculous rumors. Unfortunate tales of grimoires and gris-gris and other gossip of the simple-minded. But let’s talk of you. You’re new in town. No family, you say? A pity. I’m sure you will find a home here: a place you can stay forever.
Now let me introduce you to Lucifer. Crocosmia “Lucifer,” to be precise. Its unrepentantly red blooms smolder like the embers of incendiary insanity, don’t you agree? I’m afraid it’s engaged in a duel to the death with the spiky bludgeons of globe thistle, Echinops ritro. It is a contest the plants themselves will decide; in the garden, it’s a mistake to pretend that we are the ones in charge.
What? Voices, you say? No, no. That’s just the wind in the branches. Take care as you pass the Gunnera manicata. Something has been taking bites big as washtubs from the leaves. Yes, how clever of you; it is known as “dinosaur food.” Farther down the path lurks the impenetrable Eryngium giganteum “Miss Willmott’s Ghost.” Her armature may be daunting, but her manners are lovely.
Just past the blood grass and the spidery seedheads of Allium christophii lies the deepest recesses of the garden. This is where I sow the beautiful abominations of monkshood, belladonna, devil’s weed, and opium poppy. Mind altering, yes — some deadly — but I find them indispensable in my numinous pursuits. But enough talk. Finish your tea.
An open grave? How fanciful of you! It’s only a hole for a new witch hazel. We like to dig large. Lots of room for the roots, you know. Are you feeling unwell? Have a seat here by the Corokia cotoneaster and relax your mind. Tell me, what do you think of my little garden plot? There’s no need for you to leave now — or ever, in fact. I have a place for you right here. Good help is so hard to find …
Spooky plant ideas
Dicentra spectablis (common bleeding heart): A great garden plant for partially shady sites on the Kitsap Peninsula. Varieties include a white-flowered form and the excellent, chartreuse-foliaged “Gold Heart.”
Solanum pyracanthum (porcupine tomato) and Solanum quitoense (bed-of-nails): Not hardy in the Northwest, these colorful, wickedly prickly novelties never fail to attract attention in a summer container. Can be over-wintered in the house or greenhouse.
Zantedeschia aethiopica, common calla: A reliable garden staple that thrives in damp soil. In the Pacific NW grow them in part shade or, if the ground stays moist year-round, full sun.
Salix babylonica, weeping willow: Fast-growing weeping willows are the classic pond-side tree. Grow them in full sun with lots of water.
Dracunculus vulgaris, voodoo lily or corpse flower: A locally hardy aroid known for its bloom-time stench of rotting meat as well as for itsspectacular (some would say obscene) maroon spathes. Though tropical-looking, this plant is easy and rewarding to grow; the infamous smell lasts only briefly on warm early summer days. Bright shade or full sun. Regular to low water. The plant goes dormant in August after setting cobs of red seed.
Crocosmia ‘Lucifer’: This showy summer performer grows to 4’ in full sun. The glowing scarlet flowers are beloved of hummingbirds. Spreads slowly but deliberately from corms.
Echinops ritro, globe thistle: Metallic-blue, spherical flowers are long-lasting and attract butterflies. Full sun and dry to moist (but not wet) soil. These well-behaved perennials grow into large clumps, but don’t spread themselves around the garden. Easy to grow. The flowers can be dried.
Gunnera manicata, dinosaur food: To 8’ tall with leaves the size of patio umbrellas, these jaw-dropping plants want space, boggy soil, and full sun to light shade. To keep the leaves at maximum size, feed gunnera during the growing season.
Eryngium giganteum ‘Miss Willmott’s Ghost’, sea holly: This and other eryngium varieties provide not only texture but the uncommon colors ofsilvery blue and amethyst to the garden. They take poor, dry soil and full sun to light shade. Some species reseed.
Imperata cylindrical ‘Rubra’, Japanese blood grass: The ruby hues of blood grass deepen as fall arrives. A low-growing grass to 18” that spreads by runners. Striking in large swathes, especially when backlit by the sun.
Allium christophii, Star of Persia: As beautiful in death as in life, these and many other ornamental alliums leave behind persistent seed heads after the purple flowers have faded. Full sun. Dry soil during summer dormancy and a well-drained site or dig-and-store for winter.
Aconitum napellus, monkshood, aconite: Spikes of blue flowers and the ability to grow in partial shade make monkshood a tempting choice for the garden. However, these plants are not for those with pets who chew (or near-sighted salad gatherers) as they contain an alkaloid that can stop the heart. It is rumored to be an ingredient in witches’ brew.
Atropa belladonna, deadly nightshade: Not a plant to be purposefully planted, deadly nightshade sometimes appears as a weed in Kitsap County gardens. The black berries tempt the occasional unfortunate to ingestion, which leads to hallucinations or death. Used both in medicine and dark magic.
Datura stramonium, devil’s weed, jimson weed: Delusions and respiratory failure are the result of consuming devil’s weed. Thankfully, its range does not extend to Western Washington. Some species of datura are grown by gardeners as summer annuals for their fragrant, trumpet-shaped flowers. Knownas “zombie cucumber” in Haitian voodoo.
Papaver somniferum, opium poppy: Showy, annual opium poppies are commonly grown in cottage gardens. Flowers range from deepest purple to reds, pinks, and lavenders in forms from single to fully double. The glaucous foliage and fat seed heads are ornamental as well. Easy to grow in full sun. Opium poppy and belladonna are staples of many spells and potions.
Hamamelis x intermedia, witch hazel: Small trees, choice in the Pacific NW. Shredded-cheese blossoms in yellows and bronzes appear at the end of winter and last for several weeks. Most varieties are fragrant. They take full sun or partial shade.
Corokia cotoneaster, wire-netting bush: Sculptural small shrubs with nearly naked black branches and small sparse leaves. Iffy to overwinter in Kitsap Peninsula gardens, but good container subjects.
— Contact Wendy Tweten at wendy@wendytweten.com.
