As many readers of these pages know, my husband’s mother passed away recently. Though her passing was not unexpected (she was 95 and in hospice care), the experience has left us wiser in many ways.

We had learned lessons about preparing for death from other loved ones, but the lessons this time were a little different.

Considering hospice care

This column has addressed hospice care in the past (February, 2008).

Recall that hospice care can be delivered wherever the person needing care during a terminal illness is located. Hospice care includes nursing care as well as help with basic needs such as bathing.

It’s goal is to provide comfort rather than curing illness. Palliative care, or comfort care, was prescribed for my mother-in-law when she was discharged from the hospital after a brief stay. She had pneumonia and her system had become very debilitated.

The effects of palliative care were immediate. I observed that for the first time in about two years, she was not struggling to breathe. How liberating that must have been for her.

In addition, she was provided pastoral care. She didn’t ask for it, but it was offered, and it was not long after meeting with the pastor that she died peacefully in her sleep. Her peaceful passing may have been unrelated to the pastor’s presence, but the visit could also have provided valuable peace of mind.

These facts reminded us of something a team of palliative care providers told us years ago: The most important thing for many people with terminal illnesses is to enlist the support of hospice care earlier rather than later.

Locally residents find good information by reading Hospice of Kitsap County’s publication “15 Things You Should Know about Hospice.” Hospice of Kitsap County can be reached at www.hospiceofkitsapcounty.org, or by calling (360) 698-4611.

The value of preparation

My mother-in-law left nothing unsettled. Her wishes were known and my husband and his sister had both signed a cremation order (surviving offspring must all sign one, and it’s better to do that before a parent’s death if siblings live in different states).

Every decision needed was provided for, and she not only left a will, but a letter of instruction about miscellaneous effects not covered in the will. It was also important to have a “power of attorney” and other key signatures in place for Medicare, Social Security and other services, while she was able to sign the paperwork.

Joint bank accounts with “right of survivorship” were also helpful.

To will or not to will

Speaking of wills, we did determine that she might have been better off without one. Her assets, like my mother’s, were transferable on death. In my mother’s case, that meant that upon her death there was no estate, and there were no legal fees incurred. These circumstances are not universal.

Many people leave a variety of asset classes behind when they die. But it’s worth considering a transfer on death arrangement if it would save legal fees after your passing.

As a friend said to me on learning that my mother-in-law had died, every death brings sadness, no matter what the circumstances. But it can also bring complications.

We’re very relieved that our sadness was not increased by questions or confusions about her care, her peace of mind, or her wishes.