“Joe” is yelling at his wife “Mary.” She yells back in an angry frustrated cry. The argument is over money and this isn’t the first time this has happened. Mary’s only access to money is the cash Joe gives her and she finds herself totally dependent. Joe follows Mary outside and punches a dent in the garage door as she gets into her car. She needs to get away to — somewhere. Joe reaches in the window of the car and takes her keys.
“Get back in the house,” Joe growls through clenched teeth, “I’m not going to cook for those kids.”
“Jane” is also having an argument. Last week, her boyfriend squeezed her wrists hard enough for bruises to form and then he pushed her. She had a restraining order issued, which he now ignores. He has come to her home in a drunken rage. During their argument, he bends her index finger backwards, breaking it.
Jane calls the police after he leaves and makes a report. The next day her landlord evicts her because she seems to attract violence.
Scenes like these happen every 15 seconds in the United States and the children who witness these scenes will likely perpetuate the violence. According to statistics posted at www.feminist.com, females age 12 to 24 are at the greatest risk.
Violence in domestic situations, usually perpetrated against women, does not always mean visible bruises and broken bones.
“Violence is about control and power and there is no typical profile of domestic violence,” says Debra D’Angelo, Executive Director of County Family Services Team based in Kitsap County. Sometimes a woman needs help recognizing the signs of domestic abuse.
“You know domestic abuse when you see it but not always when you’re in it,” D’Angelo comments.
She cautions, “The first time a woman is battered is the time she should seek help.”
Mary Ellen Rochester of Bainbridge Island echoes this warning. Rochester was a pioneer of activism for battered women in the United States. She notes that domestic violence can start with belittling comments from a woman’s spouse. When she continually changes herself to please him, he has control over her. A woman loses her individuality and independence.
“Help is everywhere,” says Rochester. “The blue pages in the phone book list women’s help centers, the District Attorney’s office has women lawyers to help victims and health clinics must post sources of assistance. It’s not like the old days, when women didn’t know where to turn.”
People around the world are gathering in a movement aimed at putting an end to violence against women and girls.
This movement has become it’s own non-profit corporation called “V-Day.” V-Day has raised over $14 million in its first five years according to the group’s website www.vday.org. A V-Day event is typically staged near Valentine’s Day, anytime between Feb. 1 and March 15 and is meant to raise public awareness while at the same time helping to finance anti-violence organizations.
The play “The Vagina Monologues” by Eve Ensler is the centerpiece of the V-Day events. What began as an exploration and a celebration of women’s relationships to their own bodies has turned into an annual event. In creating the script, Ensler interviewed 200 women who detailed their most intimate discoveries about themselves. Their stories are at the same time humorous and unsettling, compelling women to reconnect their minds with their bodies.
Ensler and her play has become the eye of an activist hurricane seeing more than 1,000 V-Day benefits produced worldwide in 2003. Grassroots-level activists have been motivated by Ensler’s personal call for “Warriors — victims who are done being victims — struggling in battle to end violence against women, speaking out when everyone says to be quiet.”
V-Day will be sponsoring an event locally on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14. “V-Day Bainbridge Island” will include a performance of Ensler’s play produced by Island Theatre. Director Kate Carruthers points out that 90 percent of the proceeds will benefit the Kitsap County ALIVE Program and 10 percent to the Fund for Missing and Murdered Girls in Juarez, Mexico.
“It’s more than just putting on a play as entertainment, it’s about raising awareness and transforming opinions,” she says.
Fred Saas is on the Board of Directors for Island Theatre on Bainbridge and an advocate against domestic violence..
