What I have missed at the opening of 2013 are those who predict the future calamities of the coming year – our postmodern soothsayers.

Maybe I don’t watch enough TV these days, but I haven’t seen any.

I remember when I was a kid and my Aunt Nell always read Jean Dixon’s predictions in the paper. Aunt Nell was a devout Catholic and she was sure Dixon could see the future.

Aunt Nell wasn’t the only one.

Richard Nixon piped her into the White House, as did Nancy Reagan. I think that tells us something, but I am not sure I see it yet.

Dixon based her fame on predicting the assassination of President John F. Kennedy in “Parade Magazine.”

I remember my aunt had a book setting on a coffee table with Jean Dixon on the front looking all dreamy.

My understanding was the Bible told us to stop slicing birds open to see the future in their birdy intestines.

I guess as long as the soothsayer doesn’t cut little animals open it’s OK, or it was in the 60s.

I kind of miss the fortune-tellers who would go on the Mike Douglas show in the afternoon and tell us what would happen in the coming year.

“I see fire… I see the earth trembling… I see Congress fighting.”

How can you miss with that stuff?

I would watch the fortune-teller and vow to remember what was said in the coming year. That lasted about 10 minutes after the show ended.

Apparently we have entered the post-postmodern stage and TV fortune-tellers are out.

Maybe today they all have blogs with pages that look like a black-light poster.

I still kind of miss a good fortune-teller or two popping up on CNN.

The only predictions I can supply are I will whine a lot in the coming year and I don’t think the Mariners will get left-handed power. Without a legitimate left-handed power hitter it will be difficult to challenge the Angles and Rangers.

That’s it and I didn’t even have to look at birdy inners.